Roots & Wings

I have two boys. I don't believe in nature versus nurture, rather that its a subtle combination of the two. Having said that I was hugely surprised when Little T came along. I thought he would be a carbon copy of his brother, but he isn't. From his personality, to his voice, to even the crown on his head. And still I don't think that its all about nature. We as parents have learnt as the years have gone on, and we're not the same as we were back BC (before children). This reflects in Little T's personality and adds to my guilt about the "learning-opportunities" we discovered with Big T.

A lot of this has already been discussed ad infinitum especially on parenting blogs, and they'll be bits that everyone will agree and disagree with because everyone is different - both as a person and as a parent. In fact this is one of the things that we try to nurture in our children, that everyone is the same but different, and has value in their own way. In our children, one is into cars, smashing stuff and balls, whilst the other loves arts and crafts, nature and baking. These aren't exclusive to either one, and I know that these likes and dislikes will change over the years. I keep memory books for them both so I've already noticed the changes in likes and dislikes from year to year.

Now the challenge is for us is to make sure that our boys are who they are, can like what they want and develop as they want. To try out new things and discover who they are. I know that we are up to this challenge but is society? Deep question, I know, but bear with me. 

I love them completely and utterly. They are who they are and I love who they are. Each brings me so much joy watching them just grow and develop, and this will continue no matter what. But already I see the influences in Big T's likes and dislikes since starting school and being part of a new group of friends. I see people treating them in a certain way because they are boys, and I hear mums at the school gate talking about the latest trend of what a child should have for Christmas. I also hear a lot about how clergy kids are supposed to be. 

So I want to scoop them up and keep them in this little bubble where no-one can change who they are or influence them. I want society to accept them for who they are and what they like, and give them the space to grow and develop. Which isn't going to happen, and actually being part of society and a thriving community is pretty wonderful. 

And then I realised that they are in part who they are because our influences. Nurture. So what is the answer? Well, to be frank, it's a minefield with lots of parenting choices. The one that helped me was consolidated by a weekend viewing of "Finding Nemo". I found myself identifying with Marlin (something I find myself doing a lot with parents in films nowadays) and realised that all my boys need is to feel loved and safe and wanted at home. In our house, home is the space were we belong and where we can be who ever we are no matter what. With that knowledge hopefully comes courage. Roots and wings.