Roots & Wings

I have two boys. I don't believe in nature versus nurture, rather that its a subtle combination of the two. Having said that I was hugely surprised when Little T came along. I thought he would be a carbon copy of his brother, but he isn't. From his personality, to his voice, to even the crown on his head. And still I don't think that its all about nature. We as parents have learnt as the years have gone on, and we're not the same as we were back BC (before children). This reflects in Little T's personality and adds to my guilt about the "learning-opportunities" we discovered with Big T.

A lot of this has already been discussed ad infinitum especially on parenting blogs, and they'll be bits that everyone will agree and disagree with because everyone is different - both as a person and as a parent. In fact this is one of the things that we try to nurture in our children, that everyone is the same but different, and has value in their own way. In our children, one is into cars, smashing stuff and balls, whilst the other loves arts and crafts, nature and baking. These aren't exclusive to either one, and I know that these likes and dislikes will change over the years. I keep memory books for them both so I've already noticed the changes in likes and dislikes from year to year.

Now the challenge is for us is to make sure that our boys are who they are, can like what they want and develop as they want. To try out new things and discover who they are. I know that we are up to this challenge but is society? Deep question, I know, but bear with me. 

I love them completely and utterly. They are who they are and I love who they are. Each brings me so much joy watching them just grow and develop, and this will continue no matter what. But already I see the influences in Big T's likes and dislikes since starting school and being part of a new group of friends. I see people treating them in a certain way because they are boys, and I hear mums at the school gate talking about the latest trend of what a child should have for Christmas. I also hear a lot about how clergy kids are supposed to be. 

So I want to scoop them up and keep them in this little bubble where no-one can change who they are or influence them. I want society to accept them for who they are and what they like, and give them the space to grow and develop. Which isn't going to happen, and actually being part of society and a thriving community is pretty wonderful. 

And then I realised that they are in part who they are because our influences. Nurture. So what is the answer? Well, to be frank, it's a minefield with lots of parenting choices. The one that helped me was consolidated by a weekend viewing of "Finding Nemo". I found myself identifying with Marlin (something I find myself doing a lot with parents in films nowadays) and realised that all my boys need is to feel loved and safe and wanted at home. In our house, home is the space were we belong and where we can be who ever we are no matter what. With that knowledge hopefully comes courage. Roots and wings.

Advent calendars

And while we're on the subject of Christmas, I had a dilemma about Advent this year.

When I was still living at home, I had to share an Advent calendar with my four sisters. (I know, I know, 24 does not divide easily into five, and my eldest sister would always miss out on a chocolate/ picture a snowman.)

There are a few traditions from each our families that we wanted to carry on and a few that we wanted to change. Advent calendars was one of the ones I wanted to change. I wanted to just have a single advent calendar and then also something a bit different. Something that the other sibling could open when the calendar was being opened.

We've bought the Divine, one with the Christmas story on each window, ever since we first got together. It's fair-trade and delicious, so we're going to get that one again this year. And I've also made....

this beast of a crafty Advent House. I got the idea from here. I covered the end of each toilet roll with tissue paper and then fixed them together with a stapler into the shape of a house. I'll fill each roll with a different treat (the backs aren't covered). Now I know I'm not the craftiest of folk and its never gonna win any prizes of best on show, but bottom line is kids don't care about how things look. If they get the gist, they understand that you've put effort into doing something and its fun then they're happy. I made Big T a Pikmin cake this year and his face when he saw it was a picture.

Can't wait till the 1st of December

Christmas is a coming

*Smiley face* (I know, I'm irritating)

With just 74 days till the big day, I'm already feeling smug with all big presents for my boys bought, just stocking fillers left to buy (I *know*, I'm irritating). So I thought I'd (you know, increase the stress a little) that I would make the boys a present each for Christmas 2013. It fits in with how we feel about wanting to raise our boys to not be all about the money.

So after many a late night of getting lost in Pinterest, I've decided to make a felt busy book for Little T and a set of shadow puppets for Big T. The felt has arrived from here, I've bought some black card from Home Bargains and I stumbled across the paper straws here (from the actual shop in Mirfield - well worth a visit if you're ever in the area). This all may go wrong but I'm sure it will be funny and cringe-worthy in equal measures as the deadline gets closer.


Its all about the journey.

Spider Craft

The thing I'm loving about the start of school nursery is our new routine. Little T now has a long morning nap which allows me to have some time with each boy individually.

Big T usually wants to do arts or crafts. I enjoy this time as I get to just be and chat with my eldest boy, and today he decided he wanted to make a spider on a web. I had planned another craft but I quickly came up with this simple idea...

These are the times that make me smile.

And Little T? Well, he's almost walking. So soon they'll be no stopping us.

A time for everything

At our wedding, we had the Ecclesiastes reading of "A Time for everything". At the time we felt that, although not fate, we had been lucky to meet when we did. If we had met in the years before, then we both wouldn't have been in "the right place" and our relationship may have struggled.

Since then, I have found myself repeating this many times. Its becoming a family phrase similar to our "Do it and its done" and "Before the foundations of the earth". It makes me laugh to think that my children may mockingly recite it back to me like me and my sisters do to my mother with "Whatsoever things are pure...". We've made lots of decisions over the years and most of them fit into the "to everything there is a season" category, even though its not always felt like that at the time.

But just recently, I've noticed that this also has a different meaning in our lives. The situations, people and places haven't changed, its actually our perspective that has. A time to every purpose under the sun. As we grow and change as people and a family, so also do our needs, desires and hopes.

Here's a basic example. Some years ago, we visited a family friend for a coastal holiday. We were saving for our wedding so it was an inexpensive way of getting away. Previously, I had been used to hotel holidays in interesting places. I enjoyed it back then but in a "not sure I want to revisit" way. This year found us back there with two children under five years old. I couldn't get over how impressed I was at the getaway. Everything was the same, but my perspective had changed. I loved the fact that our "home" was quiet and out of the way so the boys could settle after busy days. The beach and seafront splash/play area were amazing, and we really did have everything that we needed close by (rockpools, toilets, ice-cream...). Instead of seeing a quiet seaside town, I saw a vibrant community that embraced all ages. We spent just two out of seven days on day trips, whereas before it was the reverse. Nothing had really changed about the place apart from our needs as a family.

Another family mantra that we, especially Big T, spouts is "Everybody's different". The above description of our lovely holiday this year will sound horrific to others but everybody is different. And I know that as the years fly by that our needs, hopes and desires will again be different.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm just surprised to have discovered such a simple reality for me and I am going to try to be more open to change and "being different".

Charity Stop Glam

I'm watching my pennies during my career break, not totally strictly but I also like the idea of not buying just for the sake of it. Bob & his crew's mantra is fast becoming mine: Reduce, Re-use, Recycle. I also like the idea of encouraging my sons to be satisfied with what they have, not always wanting objects. I want them to have dreams and ambitions but not to be materialistic. I feel like that's a slippery slope to never quite being content. 

So I've bought some good bargains since my mother-in-law opened my eyes to charity shop shopping. A plastic messy play mat, "The Jolly Postman" book, a xylophone just like Peso's in Octonauts. I've also picked up some lovely books, clothes and toys from a NCT Nearly New Sale last year. Its such a good feeling to buy something for a fraction of the price that will do exactly the same job as something brand new and full priced. I haven't, however, ever been charity shop shopping for myself. 

I think the reason for this is that I somehow felt that second-hand clothes wouldn't look as good. Or as in fashion. Or as clean. I think some of these preconceptions have changed as I've become more comfortable with who I am. I love fashion, but I don't follow it. I know what styles I like and I know what styles look good for my body shape, so I buy accordingly. And as for the clean issue, I've got really good at laundry and did I mention I had two boys? I've had to let a lot of my compulsions about extreme cleanliness go!

As I've also mentioned, my mother-in-law is a charity shop genius. I've been toying with the idea for a while about buying clothes from one, so I've been listening to her many tips. Like that many charity shops have a donations/ sorting day on a regular basis. Once you get to know a charity shop you can be there to peruse the new stuff. Also, if you're anywhere "posh" then check out the charity shops. I hear Alderley Edge and parts of Cheshire can be brilliant if you're there at the right time. Yesterday I visited Holmfirth and I'll definitely be making a trip back to their charity shops.

Another thing that I'm learning from my mother-in-law is that a smile costs nothing. Just talking to the volunteers will not only enhance the experience as a whole, it also makes people more willing to help. This was shown to me in our local Sue Ryder shop, the volunteer said that if I ever have my hands full (with my boys) but see something in the window that I could pop in and quickly ask for it to be saved. Genuine people, genuine community.

I think in a sense that's what I like about charity shopping on my local high street. It encourages a sense of community, a way of helping in these economically hard times.

So for £10.30 last week, I bought a dress, a tunic and a pair of shorts at our local hospice and Sue Ryder shop. All three are exactly what I wanted for the remaining summer days. They all washed nicely and I'm pleased with my purchases.

Here's my own top tips for charity shopping:

• Donate as well as shop when you can and make sure you gift aid if you can as this adds an extra amount onto the sale when your item is sold.
• Get to know your local shops. Some shops can often seem to get more of one thing than another. For instance, the Francis House shop in Didsbury seems to get a lot of toys donated.
• Look at what you need and make a mental note of your accessories, then shop around this. 
• Get to know the staff in your shops. They are usually lovely volunteers and will try their hardest to find what you want. 
• Check the labels for dry cleaning. You don't want to find you've bought something wholly impractical to launder. 
• Try it on - most shops will have a modest fitting room. If not then you may end up having to donate them item back again.

I actually really enjoy myself charity shop shopping, not least because I can have a well-earned cuppa with all that money I've saved, and no mummy guilt for just buying for myself.

So how about you? Any top thrift/ charity shop tips out there? Do you charity shop? What's your best find?

My blog plan seems flawed

     Let me explain. I love Cbeebies. We mainly watch it and dvds or LoveFilm. One of the reasons for this is the amount of planning that goes into Cbeebies shows. Its probably the same for most pre-school shows. 
     But I also think that Cbeebies shows are made with parents in mind. Seriously, you put a bit of mummy or daddy eye-candy on tv and you've won half the battle. You only have to look at some of the Facebook fan sites for Mr. Bloom! Also watch "The Octonauts and the Seahorse Tale" and you'll realise the amount of stuff that probably goes over the kids heads.
     I do think they've got it right though. If you keep the parents entertained then we're more likely to sit down and watch along. This allows really interesting conversations to develop after shows. I've honestly learned loads from watching with my sons. There's loads of supporting material on the grown-up part of their website for each show too.
     So please, please enjoy my blog while your kids watch tv but maybe just limit it to when a repeat that you've watched fifteen times is on.